Oh, once in a while I light up me pipe
And think of the times in my life that went right
Some others remain I won’t never forget
It amazes me how I never died yet!
One time in the forest deep within Maine
some has beens spat on me shirt and me good name
I unsheathed me knife as cold as the sea
As three drunken has beens came runnin’ at me.
The blade it did frighten those fellas right back
Me brother and cohorts moved in to attack
We moved with great speed with the knuckles and fist
And tossed a few has beens right into the ditch! (chorus)
There once was party down in Roxbury
On Halloween night with the devil’s fury
I wanted no trouble but soon I did find
Them Nancy’s from Everett jumped me from behind.
A Yankee Candle was smashed over me head
I bled so much crimson, Jim thought I was dead
We escaped to the street but me skull had been hit
nineteen stitches and hospital bills I did get. (chorus)
When leaving the bar room in Providence Town
Some New Bedford boys pushed two lassies around
Jimbo and I moved in like a flash
With intentions to kick those bastards in the ass!
The numbers might have been their ten to our two
But those are good odds for the Donnybrook Crew
We battled like Dempsey, courageous and strong
That’s how I treat those who treat women wrong. (chorus)
Once up in Lincoln I had party thoughts
At me cousin’s house right next to the cop shop
The man did arrive to bust up the shindig
I dropped my belongings and ran from the pig.
Me feet were like lightning, like greyhounds do stride
No jail cell to hold me, not me, not tonight
I flew through dooryards like a bat that’s hell bent
And then I ran smack dab right into a fence.
Me wind was knocked out, no more could I run
So much for me night full of drinks and much fun
I surrendered in vain and thus ends me race
As that donut shop vagrant maced me in the face! (chorus)